How do I get to know the others inside?

Q. How do I get to know the others inside? - Cheryl

A: With time, patience, acceptance, and by not forcing them to be known. Think of it like meeting a new person in real life. If you approach them directly, start asking personal questions, demand they explain their presence, seem angry or scared that they are there, etc., they are going to blow you off, leave, or get angry.

Most people with Dissociative Identity Disorder seem to start their internal communication through writing or drawing. I'd recommend a diary or notebook. Write letters to them and invite them to write you back. But keep writing even if they don't respond. Chances are they are listening and seeing if you're safe and to make sure you're really ready to meet them. Sometimes having pens and pencils of different colors and even thickness (for young ones) help others inside be willing to share their writing or drawings back.

Once people start communicating, it can be helpful to start making a family tree or system map of your insiders. Most people want to know if that alter has a name, an age, a gender, and when they were created or what job they have inside. As you fill in the details you'll also start to know more about their likes, dislikes, temperament, etc. And can add that to the family map. A spreadsheet can be a good tool because you can sort by age, genders, etc. And it's easy to add in new people or new information as it becomes available.

Just take your time. This isn't a fast process for most people. Many alters have spent years in hiding from insiders and outsiders, so it's going to take time to build up their trust in you and their trust in their safety.

A new iPhone app we like is UFace which gives us the ability to draw faces of what people look like inside even though we have no real drawing ability!