Q: Went years and years without losing time... or without losing a lot of time that I was aware of. Then re-entered counseling and WOW the voices are going wild and losing time has jumped to almost daily. Why the skyrocketing increase since entering counseling? Was in and out of counseling for year and years from 11 yrs old to 24 yrs old then nothing for about 13 years... never diagnosed until this real commitment to healing (2 years ago). So the question is.... why the increase in "parts" activity... almost to the point of not being able to function? - R. Kidd
A: It's kind of like a leaky dam. The leak lets out a steady stream of water, but that stream is nothing compared to the amount of water that comes rushing out when the dam breaks. I think the "volume" changes when there is no other choice (major stress or triggers that finally overwhelm the system), or when it's time (alters feel safe or the decision to commit to therapy is made by several parts).
Early on our main hosts (parts who dealt with the outside world on a regular basis) often had little awareness of the internal chatter/activity because they needed to function. It wasn't until we moved away to go to college and had a sense of safety that people began to break down those barriers inside. When we decided to confront our main abuser, and finally ended all ties, then people inside felt strong and safe to come out. That's when the dam broke and we went from chatter to a bustling train station worth of noise!
At first, it was disabling and overwhelming. Everyone seemed to be scrambling for their time out to do what they wanted to do, to make friends, to talk about their memories and needs... all the while work and school seemed to be slipping away from our grasp. I think the "falling apart" process helped us be able to take stock of what was really going on (Dissociative Identity Disorder, self-injury, depression, nightmares, etc), admit the severity (honest assessment of MPD and abuse severity), and take real action (be honest in therapy about internal workings).
It was by falling apart that we crossed the line from being a victim to being a survivor. It was by making a mess of things that we had to face the truth that our abusers were responsible for the damage they did early in our lives, but from that point forward it was us causing any additional damage. We had to choose recovery which is a lot harder and a lot nastier than it sounds. Recovery doesn't just land in your lap, it's a daily (sometimes hourly or even breath by breath) choice to move forward. And we were going to have to do it together.
Encourage people inside to learn when it's okay to communicate and ways in which they can do that. Can they join an online email/support group, draw/paint, play sports, write in a journal, take a walk, or find other ways to let off steam? Can they agree to have "quiet times" (such as work hours) in exchange for you giving them "loud times" (like a set schedule of 9-10 pm you give them time to do the things that let them communicate, let off steam, and enjoy freedom)? Can you introduce them to your counselor and encourage them to write down things they remember during the week that they want to be sure gets talked about in therapy, so they don't have to keep repeating the same information to you over and over again?
Quiet periods and noisy periods still come and go for us. The loud, overwhelming, cascading roar has quieted and will probably never reach that level again. I know that the more stress we're under (or the more people under stress at the same time), the more people inside are feeling ignored/abandoned, and the worse the body feels (like when it is sick), the more likely the noise level will increase. But I also know that when it's too quiet things may not be okay. I may have shut people out (put my head back in the sand?), or they may have shut me off somewhere so I don't know what's really going on inside (so I can keep functioning in the real world). So, a comfortable medium is where we are most of the time now, and it's quite nice.
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