Is DID a lifelong diagnosis?

Q: Is the diagnosis of DID a lifelong diagnosis? - Anon

A: It depends on what your goal is in treatment (integration or healthy co-functioning). When many people ask this question what they are really wanting to know is if the trauma ever heals. Do the bad memories ever stop being so close to the surface?

"Time heals all wounds" can seem like a vicious lie when you are a survivor or have Dissociative Identity Disorder. One of the main problems with that saying is that time doesn't move normally when you have trauma in your life. It's hard to " just forget" or " move on" when parts of your brain are actually functioning as if they are still in the middle of the traumatic experiences. And research on PTSD and Trauma that looks at trauma processing and neurological functioning show this to be the case.

Recovery is slow and usually incremental. It may be hard to realize how far you've come in recovery. But those around you may see dramatic differences because they aren't living inside the chaos everyday. Add to that the issues that you face AFTER you get through therapy to process the trauma, learn to not rely on dissociation to cope, and then the time you may spend seeking integration. These can include recovering from addictions, learning coping and life skills, and learning to have health relationships and support network in your life. Recovery may be lifelong.

But yes, I have seen in myself and others that you can move from a place of chaos, abreactions and flashback, PTSD and frequent triggers to a healthy place. You can reach a point where you actually have a hard time retrieving some of the same memories that used to jump into your mind whenever they wanted. It's wonderful when you are able to control your memories instead of them controlling you.

Some people are afraid of losing memories. Don't be. When you move out of the "stuck in trauma overdrive" into a place where memories are stored naturally, then you do lose some of the details. But you don't lose the gist. You don't forget that you were hurt. You just forget the intense details that act as triggers such as specific smells or fabrics. And normal, healthy people do not have access to as many detailed memories as traumatic abuse survivors. Part of that is functional - the brain removes memories that are no longer needed to make room for new learning and new memories. Wouldn't you rather have that room for some newer, better, happier memories? Another part of it is consolidation - memories that are of similar events may be merged into more generic memories. For example, remembering abuse that occurred repeatedly but now no longer able to remember them each individually.

So Dissociative Identity Disorder will stay around as long as it is needed, or it can be improved and possibly ended through the hard work of recovery. Some people claim their alters just "went away" but all the times I've seen that they have actually suppressed their memories and alters and run the risk of it all coming apart again. They aren't done with recovery, they are in denial.

Suicidal? Get help from the professionals!

Two social networking type sites that I frequent have had serious suicidal gestures from users this past week or two. And these aren't support type sites. I have mixed feelings about this. 

On one hand I am grateful they said something that raised eyebrows and got other users to inquire deep enough to get to the root issue - suicidal thoughts with intent. On the other hand it frustrates me that people reach out in these secretive ways in places they know their comments could easily be overlooked as just stress or a bad day. After all, these sites aren't run by or moderated or otherwise staffed with professionals. 

Maybe I'm also a bit jaded after having been around so many people who claim or even threaten suicide as a form of emotional distress or sometimes manipulation. Most of the time these folks have no intent, no plan, and are just acting up to reach out. But each false "wolf call" makes us all more jaded and unresponsive. And that makes us ready to lash out, belittle, ignore, or punish the next person who may be much more lethal and serious. 

I've been in that suicidal place. I know how hard it is to reach out and also the fear of reaching out. And it's a battle you don't have the energy for when you're suicidal. But please, reach out to people who can help. Or be honest and tell your friends that you're suicidal and need them to help you find the pros.  A hotline, 911, a hospital emergency room, anything but a covert remark on a social networking site that can easily be missed, misunderstood or seen too late.  Your life is worth more than kinda-sorta asking for maybe-if-it-is-not-a-bother help. 

That's not my name!

On Second Life I heard a song called "That's not my name " by the Ting Tings. It was an instant hit inside. Not only do we have a name that is difficult for many people to pronounce because it's unusual, but then you add in the Dissociative Identity Disorder. How often do you have someone inside who wants to argue that they aren't the body's name? How often do they want to have that argument when it's an outside person you'd never in a million years admit to being MPD to?!

Anyway, if you haven't heard it, or just want to see a really cool and cute video of the song, check out this SL of it:

http://chaffro.blogspot.com/2008/11/fuzznutz-music-video.html

Still alive!

Sorry we vanished there for awhile. I hate when that happens!

We have been dealing with some chronic illness and major job stress stuff for the past year. I am really shocked at how bad this past year has been. But we have survived. Yay.

I have felt very dissociated at times, and very empty at others. I think this crisis has caused more dissociation, less co-awareness, and few people wanting to be out. Most of us don't like pain, so when the body is stuck in chronic pain it's hard to get any volunteers. I can't blame them, I'd leave too.

But I am trying to keep the house running and the job stuff going. It's taking all the energy I have to keep my head above water. So it's hard to help mom and hubby through their own struggles now too. I feel bad about that. But I keep hoping that it will improve. For all of us.

So I have felt the need to write again so maybe that means people are willing to talk inside and outside again. See you soon!